Apartment Pants

Pretty Little Liars - “‘A’ Is For A-l-i-v-e” (4x1)

Loved this season premiere.  I assume it means we’ll be seeing more of Mona, and I’m totally okay with that.  

I guess Marlene meant it when she said this would be the season of answers.  Things I learned in this episode:

• That there was a dead pig in the trunk.  And, apparently, seeing (and/or killing) several actual dead humans doesn’t lessen the shock of a dead pig.  Lol.
• That people walking down the street in don’t seem to notice a disgusting, muddy cop car with its lights whirring and five girls poking around in it and no cops in sight.  Just another day in Rosewood.
• That Shawna knew Jenna from before Rosewood, they’re both afraid of Melissa, Mona thought CeCe was Ali when she came to Radley, Mona doesn’t know who killed Ian, etc.  Basically, Mona’s saying a lot of stuff, but she is either holding back the most important stuff or doesn’t know it. 
  
• That Mona has a copy of Emily’s keys.  LMAO, of fucking course.
• That creepy detective dude is dead.  Luckily for me. 
• Mona and Hanna almost kissed on the train (even though Hanna didn’t know it was Mona).  Aaaand the fandom goes wild.  
• That as much as I like Emily, her “OMG” and “WTF” faces need work.
• That occasionally Spencer’s taste in clothing can veer into the mundane, regular realm – she apparently likes that J. Crew coat that the rest of the world does (including me).
• That the casting people aren’t great at finding mini-versions of the Liars.  I mean, forget what their features look like, when mini-Aria is the tallest one, you know something is seriously wrong.
• That Emily’s mom has a fetish for gift baskets.  
• That no matter what may come in the future, or what’s happened in the past, I’m convinced that a part of Mona does really love Hanna. 
• That as amazing as Troian was when Spencer had a breakdown, it’s nice to see her glued back together.  If Toby double-crosses her again, I swear to Lucifer…
• That Aria is self-involved and Emily is gracious (when they’re out in the courtyard at school).  I mean, I knew that already, but it’s nice to see some things don’t change no matter how many dead bodies and pigs pile up.
• That the showerunners know exactly why Aria/Ezra is wrong, but don’t give a fuck.  Because as poorly as the vice principal handled things in Aria’s daydream, everything he said is true.  Ezra deserves to be in prison for sleeping with a child.  And even if you buy the argument that Aria is old enough to give consent, he was still her teacher.  The power dynamics there are hideously wrong.
• That as unbelievable as Shay can be in Emily’s OMG moments, she’s incredible in her quieter moments.  Like the moment right before she says yes to Paige’s proposal that they move to California together.  The way she looked at Paige, all the love and adoration and hesitancy and everything else coming out in one glance.  Utter perfection.
• That as romantic as Paige’s proposal is, it’s not realistic.  How many high school loves pan out?  Yes, I know some do.  But what are the chances theirs will?  (Although, Paily does seem to be endgame, so who knows.)  Plus, has Paige forgotten what town she lives in?  You just don’t go around making plans for the next year in Rosewood when there’s a good chance you’ll catch on fire or get hit by a car tomorrow!
• That the Liars still dress as inappropriately and outlandishly as ever.  Only Spencer seems to have remembered they’re going to a damn funeral.  Put boobs, legs, and snake jewelry away, you other three.
• That Ashley is apparently A’s new target.
• That Toby turned down Ali once.  Yikes.  Boy should have realized right then and there that he was doomed for the rest of his life.
• That creepy detective man has been replaced by a possibly even more annoying detective dude.
• That Mona is now officially the fifth Liar because creepy, melty face mask person put her doll with the other four?

Pretty Little Liars - “A Dangerous Game” (3x24)

Finally the season three finale! And what a good one it was. The last half or so was so intense and basically all I could have hoped for. I’m not even frustrated that as many new questions were created as were answered. (But really, what did anyone expect other than that?)

• I love the throwback to hope breeding eternal misery. Always the optimist, Spencer.
• Hmmm… I hadn’t thought about Emily being stronger than Spencer, but I suppose she has shown herself to be the stronger one so far. Except the best comparison isn’t the strength she showed in the lighthouse, but the strength she showed when they found Maya’s body. I mean, I guess Toby’s betrayal is like Not-Cousin Nate’s betrayal, but as far as breaking your heart, that’s all Maya.
• “I hate her.” ”Why?” ”Because she flirts with everyone but me.” Hanna, don’t forget about when you were in the club and every single chick in there was ready to pounce on you.
• Jenna is back. Whoa, I hadn’t even noticed she was gone.
• LOL, my observational powers are apparently rivaled by Hanna’s babysitting qualifications. I’d trust Hanna to have my back, without question, but watching my little kid? Not so much.
• Um, Shana and Jenna are together?!?! WTF? Did that come out of nowhere? Just me? I remember Jenna making eyes at Emily once, so it’s not so strange she’d date a girl, but dating Shana is random. I guess she’s in those web episode things that I’ve never watched, but still. Oh, and Jenna will eventually be blind for reals?
• I’ve always thought Aria was a good Liar, like she’s a good friend to the other three and she sometimes has funny lines and she’s always good for a crazy outfit-induced laugh. But anyone who knows me or reads what I write knows she’s the only one of the four I’m not invested in. I just cannot get on board the Aria-Ezra train, and no matter what happens or how they try to justify it, it’s not a storyline I condone. So, now, when she’s breaking up with him after three seasons, I thought I’d be jumping up and down cheering that it was finally over. But Aria’s heart is breaking and she’s trying to be a grown up about it and she’s letting him put his maybe-son first in his life and Lucy Hale is great in this scene, and I’m actually sad for Aria. I mean, I’m not sad at all that the relationship is over (and seriously they’ll be back together sooner or later because they’re obviously endgame, so it’s a moo(t) point), but I’m sad for Aria.
• Aaaaand Toby is alive. Least surprising reveal ever. But I did love Toby’s shock at seeing it was Spencer, not Mona, at the table.
• Haha, Hanna just has what appear to be school pictures (or freakin mug shots) of all the people in Rosewood conveniently all on her phone? And not just all on her phone, but all one after another?
• Emily, why you be running in the dark?! Dummy!
• Ooooh, maybe not such a dummy, as you just caught Jenna, Melissa, and Shawna having a pow-wow about you. A pow-wow in super-loud voices, lol.
• Damn, now Hanna knows Spencer is the one who kidnapped Malcolm.
• “Are you thinking shock treatment?” Literally burst out laughing. How did Ashley Benson say that with a straight face, and how did Lucy and Shay not crack up when she said it?
• And then Hanna’s very next move, putting on loud music, was so freakin smart! Hanna, you are a conundrum and I love it.
• They’re graduating in seven months?! Meaning, it’s like November in Rosewood?
• Good plan, Hanna, Aria, and Emily - corner Spencer in the bathroom. I’m not sure how that proves Spencer hasn’t betrayed you, but at least it was action that wasn’t horrifically stupid, or no action at all.
• Shit, this end set-up is intense. I don’t know if I trust Spencer… I should though, right? I really don’t know if I trust Toby. But dammit, I’m on the edge of my seat.
• Spencer, if you’re supposed to be creeping around all stealth-like in the dark forest, maybe don’t wear a dress that essentially glitters in the moon/plane light?!
• So, um even with help from that gas, the fire would not engulf the house THAT quickly.
• Oh, shit, Ali/Red Coat pulled them out of the burning house? And she looked kind of… concerned?
• And now Mona is maybe kinda united with the Liars?
• WHAT OR WHO IS IN THAT TRUNK? And who was buried alive?! OMG THIS SHOW IS SO AWESOME.

Pretty Little Liars - “I’m Your Puppet” (3x23)

I was pretty ambivalent toward this episode.  I dunno… I’m tired of Spencer being in Radley, I’m beyond tired of Aria and Ezra, and I couldn’t care less about Caleb’s Uncle-Dad.  I hope it was just gearing up for a major finale this week, in which case all would be forgiven.

• Rough first scene.  Spencer, you need your friends.  I’m tired of not knowing whether she’s faking this behavior, or if she really has just changed.  Either way, I don’t like it.
• Aw, Emily.  She’s pissed at Hanna for how messy she is, but as soon as her mom walks in and rolls her eyes at Hanna’s messiness, Emily defends her.
• And now Aria and Ezra are back to hiding their relationship.  Good Lord, get a better storyline for Aria.
• Uncle-Dad Jamie is clearly the worst. 
• Hidden map in the game that leads to an unsecured window?  Guess Spencer just figured out how people got in and out of Radley.  You’d think the hospital would check that shit.
• Never bothered to mention this Alison story before, Mrs. Hastings?  Lol.  Now what was it that happened to Alison midway through the hug?  I couldn’t tell if it was her smirking because she got Mrs. Hastings to believe some sob story, or if it was her resolving herself and putting her guard back up. 
• Haha, so Mrs. Hastings just drops this little truth bomb on Spencer, then leaves?  When just a minute ago she was insisting Spencer put on a blazer and come home?
• Was that Spencer’s PI in the bag?
• Caleb is the best – he believed Hanna immediately when she told him about Uncle-Dad.  He knows she wouldn’t just go around making up accusations, and she’s been there for him a lot more than his dad ever has.
• Melissa beat up Alison?  Of course. 
• Oh look,  Aria and Ezra are over.  Again.  
• Another body?  With significant trauma to it?  I’m fairly certain it’s not Toby, but who is it?
• Spencer kidnapped Malcolm?!?!  She must be a double agent.  Dear God, she must be.  

Pretty Little Liars - “Will the Circle Be Unbroken?” (3x22)

This episode, in four words: Troian for the Emmy.

• Eddie be hot.
• Guess the Jane Doe jig is up, Spencer.
• Oh look, WIlden is not dead, to the surprise of no one except Ashley.
• “it’s been very nice not being Spencer Hastings, even if only for a few hours.” Truth bomb, Spencer, major truth bomb.
• Melissa is obviously the worst, but it’s hard to pay attention to her annoyingness when I keep lusting after her short hair.
• Oh, hot Eddie is Eddie Lamb. Interesting.
• It’s killing me not knowing if Spencer has some mastermind plan or if she’s really just given up. I’m not just dying to know because it would make for a good story, but because I’m so invested in Spencer. If she does have a secret plan, it wouldn’t be just to add a cheap “twist” to the end of the season (though that would definitely happen). The show has really established and earned this suspense around her character.
• I’m continually amazed at how Ashley can be simultaneously the best and worst parent ever. And that no matter how ludicrous she’s being or the situation is, her relationship with Hanna is one of my favorites.
• I love how Dr. Sullivan just tells Emily what Spencer told her, breaking like every rule in the book. Lol.
• Missy Franklin!! Thunderstruck Emily is funny. And realistic.
• WTF, Shauna? Do you think Emily will be so gobsmacked over Missy that she’ll forget about Paige and you can just waltz off with her?
• Of course Spencer’s in Mona’s room at Radley. Of course.
• Spencer, you just now remembered that Alison kept a diary? That seems like a pretty big oversight.
• Um, Aria, thanks for throwing out the biggest insult ever to Emily about being the weak link.
• Lol, the principal is just now inquiring about Ezra and Aria? Dummy.
• Jeez, Mona is so creepy and maddening (and apparently a Harry Potter plagiarizer) and Janel Parrish is awesome.
• Spencer, did you just…. end things with your friends? Jesus Christ, Troian Bellisario is killing it. So freakin good.
• Um, creepiest camper/van ever. Especially the plastic covered seats.

Pretty Little Liars - “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” (3x21)

Good episode, and clearly gearing up for a big season finale!

• On any other show, I’d be rolling my eyes so fucking hard if a mom listened to her high school daughter’s advice about not calling a lawyer after she ran a guy over with her car, but here I’m loving Ashley’s decision to listen to Hanna. I love how Ashley is a horrible mom sometimes, an amazing mom sometimes, not so much of a mom but one of Hanna’s friends sometimes, and a crazy lady who steals from old ladies and runs over cops sometimes. Just depends on the day.
• So, Aria feels terrible for Spencer, and Emily doesn’t want to believe it. Use your head, Emily. Would Spencer not be 100% convinced that Toby was willingly on the A-team? Spencer’s enraged, ridiculing, bitter laugh at Emily is frightening. In the best possible way. Troian Bellisario is amazing.
• “He gave me the courage to come out.” I have no adequate response to that. Emily, you break my heart every week. I completely understand why it would be so important to her that Toby is the person she thinks of him as being - he was there for her at one of the most important, defining moments of her life so far, and for that he’s (rightfully) on a pedestal in her mind.
• LOL, Pam, you’re an idiot. You really believed Emily would need to “check her email” on your logged-in police computer? She doesn’t have an iphone or anything sitting right there. LMAO.
• Spencer’s following Mona into the woods?! At night?! Wilden’s car is in Hanna’s garage?! Playing that tape?! Emily’s going to meet Toby?! Alone?!
  
• Pretty sure that’s not Toby in the woods. But Spencer crying in despair alone in the woods, Jesus. PLL, you give me a major case of the sads way too often.
• Oh, creepy wood shop guy, nice try playing aloof. Rookie mistake using someone’s name when you’re not supposed to know it.
• LMAO, I love how Aria always has to deal with Hanna like she’s a child. “She already is involved in it, Hanna!”
• Oh, BRILLIANT plan, Hanna and Aria. Push his car into the lake. That’ll make it disappear forever.
• “Maybe this whole thing is just gonna go away.” YEP, THINGS WILL DEFINITELY WORK OUT THAT WAY, ASHLEY.
• “You’re supposed to stop her from doing stupid things like this, not help!” LOL, Emily. Totally.
• OMFG I THOUGHT SPENCER WAS DEAD FOR A SECOND THERE. REALLY AND TRULY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD. I almost stopped breathing.
• I’ll take her in Radley any day over being dead. But dear Lord, please say you have a plan, Spencer. Please don’t say you lost it and you really belong in there.
• So, let’s see, by the end of the episode, the Liars are as follows: Spencer’s in Radley after wandering around alone in the woods all night and seeing someone, maybe Toby (I doubt it, but still), dead. Emily may have been sawed in half by creepy wood shop guy and got her car’s window busted in and a note saying Toby is dead. Hanna dumped a car into a lake to try to protect her mom and her mom may have killed Wilden or at least is guilty of intentionally hitting him with her car. And Aria is a delinquent babysitter. Yep, life as usual for these four.

Pretty Little Liars - “Hot Water” (3x20)

Paige is amazing.  If she turns out to have even the slightest connection to the A-team I will feel as betrayed as if one of the Liars is in on it.  

• “We need the brain-trust firing on all cylinders.”  Thank you, Aria.
• Oh Ezra and his maybe-baby are back… haven’t missed him at all.
• Aria, I miss Team Sparia, too.  You almost got Spencer, there.  So did your mom a few scenes ago.  Keep trying, keep reaching out, people.
• LOL, standoff at the costume shop.  Eye-fighting over Paige.  I like it.
• I love it so hard that all Hanna has to do is nudge Emily and Emily knows the following will happen:  Emily will ask to use the bathroom.  Hanna and Paige will distract Shauna far away from the customer records.  Emily will wait until they’re out of eyesight.  Emily will then sneak over and figure out who rented the Queen of Hearts costume.  
• Sometimes I ridicule myself for loving stuff like that, but then I think that friends knowing each other as well as they know themselves is not stupid.  Loyalty and compassion and having your friends’ backs is everything.  So then I’m just re-reminded that PLL is so much more than a stupid, tween show.
• HAHA, if you’re not completely scamming on Hanna, you’re not gay, obviously.
• Emily, that plaid vest thing has got to go.  Its ugliness keeps distracting me from paying attention to Aria talk about her maybe-stepson.
• Wren, I don’t like you, but if you’re going to help Spencer move on, I’m all for you sticking around for awhile.
• When it comes to secondary characters, I’m suspicious of almost every word out of their mouths.  But Paige calling Shauna a substitute for Emily is easy to believe.  Remember back in season one when Paige first walks into Emily’s room and she’s terrified to come out because it’ll change her entire world?  And then she loses Emily because she won’t come out?  And then in season two when she’s wrapped her head around being gay, and she tries to kiss Emily but is rejected?  And then earlier this season when Emily realizes how she feels about Paige and they go swimming and Paige has everything she’s ever wanted but never dared to think might actually happen?  I do.  So the idea of Paige settling for a substitute Emily is the easiest thing ever to believe.  But now everything’s Paily and nothing hurts.    
• LOL, ASHLEY JUST RAN WILDEN OVER WITH HER CAR.  Mom of the century.  But the Marins really need to stay away from cars altogether; someone’s always trying to kill or be killed with them.
• CeCe, nice red thing in your suitcase there.
• Nice save, Aria.  See, Spencer, this is why you can’t ever give up on Sparia.  Your friends need you and you need your friends.
• OMG, is she finally going to tell them about Toby?
• Of course Wilden is gone.

Pretty Little Liars - “What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted” (3x19)

• Spencer’s free-fall might be realistic, but I’m tired of it. Tell your friends! This show just does not do it for me when the Liars aren’t the four musketeers.
• Hanna’s a ditz, but she’s no dummy. The Ezra thing and the Caleb thing are totally different.
• LOL, Spencer got Winston Churchill and Mona confused.
• “Relax. You’re not her type.” LMAO.
• Spencer, Emily’s 100% correct - you are way too smart to use stripping to get what you want. You can run intellectual circles around that buff nerd.
• Emily also has a good point that Spencer doesn’t have a monopoly on pain, and that you get through it by relying on your friends. Three for you, Emily.
• Caleb’s right, he doesn’t owe his father shit. But he does owe it to himself to see if there’s a chance that he could have a dad again.
• Jason has weird lips. They look like they have foundation on them. And bad mid-90s hair.
• Spencer, are you going to kill that fruit with your eyes?
• I’m about as excited to see Wren as Melissa was.
• Wren, you’re the dumbest doctor in the universe if you bought Spencer’s sudden eagerness to be “helped.”
• “I’d get you a fresh piece, but if I stand up again, it’s to pee. And I would rather do that in my pants than leave you two alone.” Hanna, you are THE BEST.
• Damn, all that whiskey must have cost someone a pretty penny. Jason, don’t dump it out, sell that shit!
• So CeCe and Alison look the same, dress the same, and know all the same people…
• I note that what made Spencer finally go ballistic was Mona’s insinuation that she’s lost her friends. Not Mona calling her crazy, or even talking about Toby, but the idea that A broke up the Liars what makes Spencer attack her.
• Hanna, you are remarkable. Caleb, I’m glad you know what an awesome girlfriend you have.
• Dammit Uncle-Dad Jamie, you stole the church money. Of course.
• In sum: Hanna is trying to change Caleb’s and Uncle-Dad’s lives, Emily is trying to get some questions answered and getting trapped in an elevator, Spencer is trying to strangle Mona, and Aria is… covering up some wine that spilled on the rug and kissing Mini Fitz. Sometimes I don’t understand this show… it better all be a part of an elaborate plan…

Pretty Little Liars - “Dead To Me” (3x18)

Maybe my least favorite episode recently, but it still had some gems.

• Spencer’s still lashing out at everyone and keeping her secret quiet, I see.
• Why does this seem like the 50 bajillionth time Alison has been buried, unburied, and reburied?
• Omg, Aria, those weird shiny pants! 
• Perfect French – add that to the ginormous list of things Spencer has mastered.  Sigh.
• This is nothing new for any of the Liars, but I love that of course Hanna told Emily what she saw at the club and of course Emily talked to Paige about it.  They have each other’s backs.  Always.   And Spencer is like the smartest human being on the planet, so she’s got to realize that telling her friends about Toby would be good – good for herself to have their support and to talk about it, and good for them to know a major secret that affects them all.  Which is why I think she’s punishing herself by not saying anything.  Punishing herself and teaching herself a lesson about trusting people.  I don’t think she’s in denial or hoping if she doesn’t say out loud it won’t be true (or wanting her friends to hurt as much as her, as they seem to think).
  
• The psychiatrist lady is back!  Though I don’t know why she didn’t flee as fast as she could after being fucked with the first time…
• “You may have heard I killed a guy.” LMAO, BEST LINE EVER.
• Um, Emily remembered killing Alison while under hypnosis?  I don’t believe that.  Not for a second.
• I think I’m supposed to be all sad about Caleb and his lack of parents, but it’s hard to care about anyone except Spencer right now.
• I don’t know if I’ve talked much about the chick who plays Alison, but she’s good.  Damn, I believed her when she said she wanted to go away forever.  I mean, she was obviously dicking around with Emily, knowing and loving how much Emily was in love with her.  But at the same time she was sincere in saying she wanted to go away forever.  
• Also, could not care less about Fitz’s brother.
• Caleb’s uncle is his father.  Shocking.  Not.
• Mona creeping around Dr. Sullivan.  Shocking.  Not.
• The room Spencer had the key for is empty.  Shocking.  Not.
• I’m glad Emily, Hanna, and Aria recognize something is really wrong with Spencer beyond being sad that she broke up with Toby.
• Yep, Emily did not kill Alison. 
• The chick in the red coat who is blonde and the leader of the A team – CeCe?  Alison?  Alison’s evil twin?  Don’t know, don’t care.  Just love the entertainment.
• I also love the Lianne La Havas song playing at the end.

Pretty Little Liars - “Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Inferno” (3x17)

So, basically all four Liars’ love lives are shitastic all at the same time, except some of them don’t even know it, and none of them are talking to each other about it. Sad.

• It’s pathetic how sad I am for Spencer.
• Oh, Emily’s mom is back in town. Just dropping by Emily’s room to say hi and give her some murder artifacts. And, apparently, casually drop it into the conversation that she now works at the police station.
• Now Ashley is around and worried about Hanna’s wrist and how she’s doing with Mona.
• And now Byron is talking with Aria. What is this, “Liars stay at home and chill with their parents” day?
• Spencer, eat a cheeseburger. Also, tell the others about Toby. PLEASE.
• OMG, Emily, enough with the cut-out shoulder shirts already!
• Aaaand now Hanna knows who put the brain in Mona’s locker and that Paige and Caleb are in cahoots. This is going to be great.
• Oh, poor heartbroken Spencer trying to be all hard and tough and uncaring. But even Emily, the girl who couldn’t find a freakin light switch a few episodes back, can clearly see she isn’t okay.
• OMFG, so much is wrong with this flashback scene. Toby in a do-rag or whatever it’s called. MY EYES. Alison looking like she’s 40. Alison talking about driving to see Toby - girl died when she was 15, didn’t she? I guess she could have driven with a permit, but it’s still a little odd.
• LMAO, Spencer, that rant at Ella probably wasn’t supposed to be funny but I thought it was hilarious. “IT IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME.”
• And now she just fucked over Aria and Ezra without realizing it. Spencer, you are on a ROLL. And totally about to spiral completely out of control.
• Aria’s possibly future stepson is only 10 years younger than her. Brb, gonna go ponder that for a bit. Unless the kid turns out to not really be Ezra’s… which, on this show, there’s a high likelihood the kid is not only not his, but not even real or something.
• Alison was maybe pregnant? And crying? And doing a damn convincing job of looking scared? But also still not convincing me she was for real? Jesus.
• And now Hanna is spying on Paige. YES.
• Except, Paige, you also need to eat a cheeseburger, and you better not be cheating on Emily. Heads will roll, McCullers. Yours for starters.
• Byron trying to parent Aria is just plain creepy.
• Ok, um, Paige, how fucking oblivious are you?! Hanna is right in front of your goddamn face doing the worst ducking EVER.
• Oh, Emily, you dummy. Never give something to the cops as long as Detective Creepy is around.
• Spencer, I’m pretty sure you just met with the creepiest guy in Rosewood. And that’s saying A LOT. And he may also be a candidate for worst hairstyle in Rosewood.
• “Is that code for something gay?” Oh, Ashley Marin, never change. I love how she is all up in Hanna’s business about “experimenting” and “feelings” and wanting to know secret gay words, but is SHOCKED that Emily might somehow be involved. Hanna’s BFF. Who is gay. L-O-FUCKING-L.

Pretty Little Liars - “Misery Loves Company” (3x16)

OMFG, what an episode!  Loved it from start to finish. Loved all four Liars, the two moms, and Byron was not repulsive.  Marlene, direct more often!!

• Aria, you are so naïve – Meredith is just as devastated as you?  Bitch, please.
• Still can’t tell if Toby is really on the A team or if he’s a triple agent.
• Spencer is obviously going to be torn apart when she finds out about Toby, but now I’m thinking about how Emily is going to be devastated, too.  And it’s making me sad.  Ugh, the preemptive sads are the worst.
• “The hottest designer in Philly.”  Philly, the undiscovered fashion capital.
• Caleb, I like the haircut.  What are you scheming with on the phone?
• No, Toby, there is nothing Spencer can’t do.  (Except, apparently, figure out that she’s dating a member of the A team.) 
• Meredith’s poisoning Aria!  She must be!
• Emily, the sweetest girlfriend ever.  Paige, I hope you really made an appointment to talk to someone and aren’t just lying your ass off.
• “I have to borrow Emily for some girl talk… not girl-on-girl talk, just girl talk.” Classic Hanna.  A little blunt, a little insulting, a little foot-in-mouth, a lot funny.
• And now tailing someone is easy, Hanna?  Jeez, between Spencer who can do everything and Hanna who thinks nothing is hard, I’m unsure why they haven’t figured out who is on the A team, plotted and executed their revenge, run Meredith-Jody and Byron out of Rosewood, hooked Ella up with someone worthy of her, found missing Coachprah, put Ashley in bank robbery rehab, etc., etc., etc.
• HAHA, Ella’s look of disgust mixed with a barely concealed eye roll was epic.
• I find Caleb and Paige’s meeting kind of hilarious – a secret support group meeting for boyfriends/girlfriends of the Liars!  But, um, Paige, please be at least a little worried for yourself.  Emily’s girlfriends tend to end up dead.  
• “Have on five inch heels and nothing else when he walks through the door.  What?  I heard guys like that.”  Hanna, never change.
• OMG, that pharmacy tech, could he BE a worse actor?  It’s like he was in Joey Tribbiani’s School of Acting.  And forgot to take notes.
• Yep, Meredith-Jody is the worst.  And while I’m thinking about terrible acting, she can go ahead and get in that line, too.  
• Haha, apparently, when her back’s up against a wall and Spencer’s not around, Emily turns Spencer-esque.  She’s ready to go, trapped down in the basement.  Act first, worry about the rest later.  I love it.
• Byron, are you not the worst?  Shit, just when I think I couldn’t detest you more.  What is this world?
• HOLY OHMYGOD SHIT MOTHERFUCKER, SPENCER JUST CAUGHT TOBY RED HANDED.
• And now I’m in a puddle of sads on the floor watching Spencer cry in her mom’s arms.  But, um, how awesome was Troian?  She played those scenes perfectly.
• Aria, that was a mistake burning those diary pages.  Regardless of whether Byron had anything to do with Alison’s death (and he’s already kinda sketching me out again).
• Jesus H Christ, be creepier, Mona.  eeeeeeee!!!  Can’t wait for next episode!

Pretty Little Liars - “Mona-Mania” (3x15)

• Go, Aria; don’t accept Byron the Worst’s apology. 
• Aaaand less than 5 minutes into it, Hanna has the bright idea of separating from the others and being alone.  (Also, did Emily’s dad give up on his house alarm thing?)
• Damn, Hanna, having a smart moment.  I wondered if the lingering on the hooded guy’s sneakers was gonna mean she’d recognize him.
• Sometimes I think Lucas is a character the show could do without, but other times, like right now when he admits to setting the fire, I love the side of Hanna he brings out.  This moment also makes me wonder if some of the A-team hated the Liars when they started fucking with them, but now regret their actions and/or don’t carry them out the way they’re supposed to.  Without Allison, the Liars are different people.  Better people.
• Paige is back!  But, fuck, man, what’s up with her?  I need a break from the shit storm raining down on Emily and her girlfriends.
• Aria, thank God you have Ella, who is the best.  And clearly has no idea what Byron the Worst did the night of Alison’s disappearance.
• “Put on your Hastings face and spank her.”  LOL.  Dying.  But shit, I wouldn’t want to go up against either one of them on a quiz-off.  Spencer is a Hastings, and Mona might just kill you if she lost.
• WTF, Byron, could you BE any sketchier?!  This shit’s too easy, too much of a red herring.
• I love when Spencer gets all competitive and freaks out.
• So… Mona is blackmailing Lucas… or so he says… clearly, though, he is as dumb as the Liars if he thinks homeschooling will keep Mona out of his life. 
• Um, Paige, you are strong.  You’re strong for admitting you’re terrified, for starters.  I love that she remembered that conversation with Emily at the karaoke place.
• I cannot deal with nerd boy’s little lisp thing he has going on; otherwise I’d be LOVING this quiz-off.  Shit yo, Gloating Spencer is almost as awesome as Flipping Her Shit Spencer.
• And suddenly Aria and Jody-Meredith are one the same side.  Interesting… I think Jody-Meredith is playing Aria like a fiddle.
• Oh, man, Emily you almost caught Toby… I’m really wondering now about some of the A-team… slashing Paige’s tire isn’t that big of a deal… is Toby a double agent, did he decide he likes Emily too much to do any real damage to her, or was he just off his game a little? 
• I love that what makes Hanna decide she’s done with Mona is seeing Spencer after defeat.  First Lucas, now Spencer.  And Hanna’s had enough.  Four for you, Hanna.  I just hope Mona doesn’t make her life even more miserable than the first time around.
• DEAR GOD, ARIA BETTER NOT BE FUCKING PREGNANT.  I think there was some cliffhanger ending, but I can’t focus beyond my irritation at the thought of Aria being “sick” and what it may turn out to be.

Pretty Little Liars - “She’s Better Now” (3x14)

Damn, this show’s back and running right out of the (mid-season) gate.  

• Emily’s on house arrest now?  After more than a year of all these murders and shenanigans going on in Rosewood?  That’s a laugh. 
• I still only ever think of Meredith as Jody Sawyer.  Jody, it was unwise to give up your career as a ballerina to become a bitchy high school substitute teacher in a town with an obscenely high murder rate.
• Also, Spencer and Hanna are in the same history class?  As if.
• OMG, the brain in Mona’s locker.  Hilarious scene.
• “Are you still hating on me?”  “Possibly.”  Team Sparia Always.
• “So now we’re depending on Meredith to be our alibi?  See you in jail.”  Apparently being irritated brings out the sarcastic side of Emily.  I love it.
• Um, there’s a 10K race at school and Paige isn’t there gunning for first place?!  Puh-LEASE.
• “Have I taught you nothing?”  Of course Spencer is a master lock-picker.  Of fucking course.
• Byron, you’re an idiot.  You let yourself be blackmailed by a 15-year-old? I don’t care that she was the most psychotic 15-year-old in the history of ever, just tell your goddamn wife.
• Aaaand we’ve circled back around to regular Emily who’s crying because her dad is trying to reach out to her and she can’t confide in him.
• See, Meredith-Jody, this is what happens to people in Rosewood - they just start catching on fire with no warning.  
• But ok, Byron thinking Aria and/or her friends did that to Meredith-Jody?!  He is. The. Worst.
• And now he’s creeping around the hallway evesdropping on Aria.  Either he’s on the A-team or Aria is, or else this is just so beyond wrong… I expect more from this show, so me thinks there’s gonna be a big Byron or Aria payoff in some form or another.
• And now injured Jason be creepin around with Mona… geez, this show!  I love how it alternates between big action scenes and tiny exchanges.  It’s frustrating and riveting and intense and hilarious and heartfelt and just so damn watchable.

Pretty Little Liars - “This Is A Dark Ride” (3x13)

Great episode.  Not “The Best Ever” or anything, but solid.  I’ve missed this Rosewood crew so much.

• Teddy Bear Picnic – way to make a song I remember fondly from childhood uber creepy, Mona.
• Awww, the four liars and their crazy lunatic everyday outfits.  Love it.
• Omg, Toby you look sinister but your hair is still like Ross after he drove Monica’s Porsche.  I don’t know whether to be scared you’ll kill me with one glance, or offer you a comb.
• Ezra, why are you going to be conveniently “in Philly” during this party? 
• Lol, of course Hanna thinks The Great Gatsby is a movie.  Though, I suppose she gets a little credit because they were supposed to go as movie characters.
• Wow, Spencer looks amazing, and Emily looks hot.
• It must not be lost on the show runners what a juxtaposition Emily and Paige’s entrance was compared to the masquerade ball where Paige was also in a suit but she was like a whole different Paige.  
• Jenna, is the eye patch supposed to be ironic?
• Adam Lambert, perfection.
• Ah, creepy little kid from that other episode!  Also, Ashley Marin could fit right in at the Liars’ party with that costume.
• Are the two A’s Aria used when she wrote her name different from each other on purpose?
• Good God, Emily and Paige, be cuter.  The look in Paige’s eyes - her delight and surprise and sheer happiness that she’s found herself dating Emily - was amazing.  All the awards to you, Lindsey Shaw.
• OMG, Spencer and Creepy Garrett in the creepy costume.  Garrett fake-killed Alison?!
• Byron and Alison?!  Of course.  I hope Byron killed her and he goes to jail forever.
• Shit, Spencer, that was close!  Good thing Paige was around.
• OMG, Aria’s in a box with DEAD GARRETT.
• Well that was even closer, Aria.  Is A finally coming after you like the others?
• Whoa, Hanna, that was actually kinda insightful about how the party goers were divided up for questioning.  Even schooled Spencer!
• Of course Ezra showed up on the train.  I want him to be on the A-team, but the show is now making him such an obvious choice that he probably isn’t.
• Mona with the mask.  So… she basically copped a feel on Hanna?  She probs wasn’t the one who almost killed Spencer, though; that person looked too big to be Mona.
• Was that Alison buried alive?!  Dammit Carl, this show needs to come back right now!

Pretty Little Liars - “The Lady Killer” (3x12, mid-season finale)

Full disclosure, I skimmed a recap before watching this episode, so I knew going in that Toby is seemingly on the A Team, Caleb somehow got shot, and Not-Cousin was Maya’s stalker, but there was also a lot I didn’t know about.  And knowing some stuff didn’t make it any less fantastic to watch.

First half of the episode:

• Well shit, someone is dead AGAIN?  Who is it?  Maya? 
• Of course Spencer admires Catherine Tramell, and of course Hanna and Aria have no idea who she is.  LOL.
• What’s up with the extra horrible terrible fashion by all four of the Liars?!
• (Side note:  why am I just now realizing that we finally, officially know that Ezra is 25, or at the very least, close to 8 years out of high school, thus confirming beyond any justification that it’s not okay for Aria and Ezra to be dating.  No, I don’t think eight years is automatically too big of an age gap in any romantic relationship, but when eight years is only one year shy of being HALF YOUR LIFE SPAN, then it is.)
• Those “threats” made by Paige didn’t sound that threatening.  Something about the fact that she looked close to tears?
• “Emily you can trust me with your life…. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you.” – why do I feel like that is completely true and also completely scary?
• Oh, so Paige is getting A texts too – are these the same kinds of texts the Liars get, or are they A team texts?  
• “Things just went from worse to worser.”  ”That’s not a word, but, continue.”  ”Paige wasn’t in Spanish today. Yo hablo sicko.”  Sometimes I think the Spencer-Hanna dialogue is my most favorite thing about this show.
• Mona escaped like it was the fucking easiest thing she ever did.  Which it probably was.  I fucking love it.
• LMAO, Caleb I was thinking the exact same thing about Hanna’s extremely poor choice in “weapons.”
• Emily, you’re “going away for the weekend” with Not-Cousin?!  It doesn’t take reading a spoiler to know this is a TERRIBLE idea.  And what’s with the shoulder cut-out shirts on the show lately?!  They’re awful.
• Whoa, Pam, you asked if Nate was “just a friend” and not in a hopeful way, but in a “I ain’t letting my daughter go up to no cabin to have all the sex” way.  I’m proud of you.
• Awww, Toby.  Depsite knowing what’s coming, this reunion of sorts is so sweet.  OMG, I’m realizing that last episode Spencer was so worried about how to tell Emily that she thought Paige was on the A team, but as it turns out she should have been worried about herself.
• Caleb, you have a gun?  Please don’t tell me you’re going to get shot by your own damn gun!
• Oh HELL NO, “In My Veins” playing while Toby and Spencer have sex?!  That will always and forever be the Grey’s season 6 finale (when Derek gets shot) song.  

• Jesus H Christ, the A lair with Mona and someone who I’m guessing is Toby.  Talk about creeptastic.  Good fucking Lord.
• Um, Emily, I know that was a hella creepy phone call (and a lot like Scream) but you should probably take the caller’s advice and RUN.  
• Yup, Not-Cousin is not Maya’s cousin.
• Um, GOOD LORD, Nate you’re still not a good actor but the idea of someone killing someone because of their sick and twisted “love” is very disturbing.
• Emily, the look you gave Paige when you saw she was tied up in the closet was perfect.  
• OMG THE ENTIRE ENDING.  EMILY WITH THE KNIFE.  CALEB FINDING HER.  EMILY SOBBING IN CALEB’S ARMS.  CALEB SOMEHOW ENDING UP SHOT (BY NATE?).  EMILY RUNNING TO HANNA.  SPENCER AND PAIGE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER WITH ALL THE FEELINGS.  THE WEIRD-VOICE PHONE CALL THEY GET AT THE HOSPITAL.  GARRETT’S CREEPY SMILE.  MONA AND TOBY.  PAIGE THE APPARENTLY INNOCENT PATSY.  HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS A GREAT CLIFFHANGER!!
• And among the things that are still open questions:  What happened to Caleb, and why didn’t we see Nate get up and shoot him if that’s it?  Is Paige really just an innocent?  Who’s calling the Liars with the creepy voice changer thing?  What’s up with Garrett?  Who killed Maya?  Nate never technically confirmed it was him; I assume it was at this point, but we don’t have official confirmation.  And at the moment, the most important one to me, is Toby really on the A team, or is he a Snape-like double agent?

Pretty Little Liars - “Single Fright Female” (3x11)

• “Downton Grabby.”  Spencer and Hanna, I’ve missed you so!
• Of course Emily confesses to Paige without any real prompting.  Paige’s reaction though… not quite sure what to make of it – the words made sense, but the way she said them…
• Listen to Spencer, Aria!  Don’t go looking around for Maggie!
• Haha, love how Not-Cousin Nate just assumes he’s dating Emily now.  After one kiss.  Slow your roll, there, Not-Cousin!
• Alex Mack!
• Emily, I appreciate your loyalty to Paige, but at least consider what Spencer is saying!  Spencer’s been your friend for way longer than you’ve been dating Paige; she’s earned at least a moment’s pause from you (and who was that lurking in the background?  Jenna?  Someone with long brown hair.)
• “Um, Nate, she’s gay.  She dated your cousin.”  FUCKING PRICELESS.  Not only did Hanna say precisely what tons of fans have been screaming at Not-Cousin since he first intruded on Rosewood, but also I love the unspoken-but-barely-disguised disgust Hanna has for him.  You do not date family members’ ex-girl/boyfriends.  That’s, like, the rules of feminism!
• Where did Jenna see Not-Cousin?!
• Of course Alex Mack didn’t go through with the abortion.  Cue the eyeroll. 
• OMG, how did Ali have any friends at all?!  I know, she ruled with fear and intimidation, and it’s better to be in the circle, etc.  But still.  I love how in the flashback after Ali stole the letter Paige wrote to Emily and ordered Cece to “drive,” she sounded almost panicked.  Like she was afraid of sticking around another second.  A small crack in the Ice Queen’s armor? 
• Um, that was freaky.  I paused the episode to write that last sentence before I forgot it, just after Ali and Cece drove away.  Then when I hit play again, present-day Cece said exactly what I’d been thinking about Ali.  Which I mention not to brag about my observational skills but as admiration for this show – they made sure Ali actually sounded afraid; we didn’t just have to take Cece’s word about it.
• Paige, why you be trying to spread the suspicion around?  Paige can’t possibly be on the A team because the show so badly wants us to think she is (plus we all know the Liars are never right about their theories, like, ever).
• Spencer’s locked in a dressing room with a snake.  Spencer’s locked in a dressing room.  With a motherfuckin SNAKE.
• Wow, this episode has the most self-aware dialogue ever.  First Hanna’s comment to Not-Cousin, then Spencer reminding Emily how Paige tried to drown her, and now Aria discussing how, essentially, she’s a kid and suddenly she’s dealing with a grown-up problem.  
• Haha, good thing the Marins have the world’s greatest garbage disposal capable of destroying evidence regularly.
• I think I have those shoes Paige is wearing; I love them.
• Well that wasn’t a sinister and weird warning to Emily at all, Jenna.
• Or a sinister and weird end of the episode… and on to the finale!